This is what I got...
Your future is sure to be full of crazy adventures and giant pillows. You'll be chased by North Koreans and eat lollipops the size of your head. You will have 13 cats and carry a measuring cup with you wherever you go. You'll laugh when you should be crying and cry when you should be shitting and shit when you should be laughing. You are destined for great things. Unfortunately this is all in your head. You will really be strapped down in a straight jacket for the majority of your remaining 17 years. You will occasionally go out in the yard where you can see and pet your 13 cats which really turn out to be dandelions. You'll shit when you should be laughing and you'll shit when you should be crying but when you should be shitting, you'll be sucking your thumb which you think is that giant lollipop. You will be living in a different universe when in reality your parents will be ashamed and your friends will be squirrels.
I question one thing though; whats wrong with friendly squirrels? Thats the whole reason I wanna live in Montana in the woods next to a river... to be friends with the critters.