Holy crap!!!!

I just realized that this Saturday marks the day that I officially become a mom of not only one, but TWO fricken teenagers! This ain't right. Seriously people. I am not old enough to have 2 teens. It can't happen.... but it's gonna, isn't it? Holy crap.

And the last 13 years went.... where?

Unbelievable. What I wouldn't give for those terrible twos again. And don't any of you toddler moms come chewing my ass telling me how insane I am for saying that - I lived through the terrible twos, twice. And the terrifying threes... and guess what? It's a piece of fricken cake compared to the years ahead. Now instead of my sweet babies crying and running towards me when they are hurt, they run for their room and slam the door and scream "LEAVE ME ALONE!".

Terrible twos. Ha!

You ain't seen a tantrum until you've seen a PMS crazed teen.

Mom of the Year Award (what was she thinking????)

Amber @ Mommy Mania felt a strange need to give me this amazing award. I feel very honored, and special, and all warm and gooey inside, just like chocolate chip cookies. Thanks Amber!

1) Admit that ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!

- Sorry, but it's not in the past. It's current and I don't know how long it will be current. The worst thing is my social phobia, which stops us from doing a lot of things that the demons would like to do... like going to the mall.

2)To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!

- I love how artistic Demon #2 is. She is amazing with a pencil & sketchbook.

- I love how Demon #1 is so much like me with her random outbursts of sillyness. She can jump into a room and announce that she's there better than I ever could. The other day she runs in and says "Who invented marshmallows?".. just to say something silly.

- I love Demon #2's hugs.

- I love how both demons still want me to tuck them in at night... and as much as I hate it, I love the 10 "Mom wait!"'s that I hear every night.

- I love that Demon #1 has such a wide variety of music tastes. She loves Poison, Johnny Cash & ACDC.

- I love how they think I'm the only one who can make a bologna sandwhich, eggs and my macaroni salad. They say anyone else's doesn't taste right.

- I love how both of them think alcohol is the dumbest thing ever. They think getting drunk is silly. I can only hope that train of thought stays another 10 years....

- I love that I haven't killed them both yet.

OOps. That was 8. Oh well.

3)Send this to FIVE other Moms of the Year that deserve forgiveness and a reminder that they, too, are the best moms they can be!!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you!"

Melissa, Kimber, Karen, Jen & whoever else wants to do this!

Flying Hamsters

So I'm sitting here bored out of my mind. I don't know whats up, but it seems like everyone who is a member on InsanityCafe has either had their tongue ripped out by a madman or had their fingers cut off by some wicked doctor who plans on doing finger transplants because nobody is fricken talking on there today. I've played so many games of Hamster Flight I feel like a flying hamster on a mission for rockets with fire coming out of them. It's crazy. I'm going to dream I'm in a hamster ball tonight, I swear.

I am just in shock that it's already December. I just don't understand where this year went. It's going to be 2009... do you remember how we all were so nervous about the coming of 2000? That didn't seem like that long ago, but yet it's a year short of a decade.

I snuck Demon #2 a benedryl tonight. Flame me with your comments, I don't give a rats ass. Until you've lived with this child, shut up. I couldn't take it anymore. Even she mentioned she's more hyper than normal. Good God. I really need to get her in to get her TSH levels checked again because even she is wondering if her thyroid isn't whacked out. I hope it's the case because her next stop is either boot camp or a foster home. Or a circus. Something. She's a difficult child to deal with and usually I have no troubles at all (the husband on the other hand... well, when you fall from the same tree, watch out! Those two are like oil & water). The past couple days I'm ready to just string her up by her toenails and duct tape her to the ceiling. Lord, tell me it's just a phase. She's got 3 months before she officially becomes a teenager... I just don't think it can get much worse.

But then again, Demon #1 spends her waking moments walking around with a permanant frown on her face. No, not a frown - a pissed off at any one of the adult persuasion look. She whines and argues and ... ok, I admit it. Demon #2 is looking like an angel now.

Someone wants to be my friend

and I don't want to be his friend.

I wish he'd get off my laptop.

Flies are icky.

I wish he'd hold still so I can squash him.

He'll stay still for a picture. Go figure.

How come if you go at a fly who is on your laptop screen he'll fly away quick as a cricket... but if you put your cursor underneath him he won't move? Can flies not see things that are on my laptop screen and they are only able to see my hand coming at them in a murderous rampage type fashion? I think its silly. Don't they have like a million eyes or something like that? They should be able to see under them, too.

I'm mad at this fly.

Dirty Sinks & Flushing Toilets

This morning my face just felt like it needed a good washing. This is something I usually do at night, but this morning I just wanted a clean face. So I went into the bathroom, let Serena drink for a little bit and finally got tired of waiting for her to get that perfect drip to drink to satisfy her feline OCD and I turned the water on hot.

Funny how fast a cat will jump off a counter when their head gets soaked.

I splash hot water on my face.. opens up the pores, you know. It's funny, I always think of a sauna when I wash my face. It's like it's my reminder on what to use - hot or cold. So I wet my face down and grab Demon #2's "Morning Burst" facial cleanser. Morning Burst - everyone can use one of those, right? I lather it up and start rubbing it all over my face. Soap near my eyes doesn't bother me so I'm rubbing it into my eyebrows and all over. Maybe it's an art form, but I can accomplish this without getting any in my eyes. I'm doing this as I'm looking at my horrid reflection in the mirror. When did my eyes get so... sunken in? Must have been somewhere between the birth of the 1st & 2nd demon.

So I'm looking in the mirror and I look down.

A washcloth that needs to be washed.

The sink is dirty. And full of bubbles. If it can clean my face it can clean the sink, right?

So I grab the washcloth and start wiping out the sink. I don't know how we get this brown film behind the faucet, but we do. I don't have any now because I cleaned it off. Yuck. Then I notice the dried toothpaste on the counter. Doesn't anyone see the toothpaste fall off the toothbrush? I suppose it's just like the slippers that are right now laying in the middle of the kitchen... Mom will take care of it.

So I clean off the toothpaste that's dried... really dried to the counter. This actually needs a fingernail to get all of it off. Yuck. Must have been there for days. As I'm doing this I look over and see all the hair that's accumulating in the corners of the counter. No, it's not pet hair. It's human hair. I handed down a wonderful gene to the demons - thick and constant shedding hair. I wipe off all of the counter. All clean. Wow. I've accomplished quite a bit before 7:30 in the morning!

I turn around and see the toilet. Ahhh yes, that hasn't been cleaned in a week so I grab the cleaner from under the sink and start squirting it into the toilet. I turn around to grab the toilet brush - those things are actually really disgusting when you think about it, you know that? I reach down ------

OUCH!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! WHY ARE MY EYES BURNING????

Ooops. I was washing my face, wasn't I... and I sorta got sidetracked and forgot to rinse the soap off my face. It's now found its way into my right eye and is burning like a ******-******!!! I rinse it off quick and so one of those hand-as-a-cup-of-water eye washing tricks, dry my face off as Demon #1 comes into the bathroom. I go out and grab my now-cold cup of coffee. I dump the cold coffee and get myself a nice hot refill.

Then I hear it....

The toilet bowl cleaner is flushed down the toilet.

My bathroom counter & sink is clean, though.

And so is my face.

Praying for Garage Sales and Food Parties

I'll be MIA for the next few days - not that I'm regularly blogging or anything anyway. I've got the TT to magically appear at 11:59 tonight so hopefully (got your fingers crossed?) it will be ready for all you TT'ers tomorrow.

Why am I going to be MIA? Two words - Garage. Sale. Yep. We're dumb. We're having a garage sale tomorrow - Saturday. It's at my parents house, but I've got a table full of stuff there and I'll have to help collect the moola as it comes in. Our town is having thier annual "Pioneer Days" which some people refer to as the greatest show on dirt. I don't think it's all that special, but it brings in thousands of people to town to stand and stare at 100 year old farm equipement. Yeehaww.

So somewhere down the line someone thought it would be a great idea to have a garage sale the same weekend because... well, there is thousands of people in town. Then someone else copied them, someone copied them and now we basically have an unoffical city-wide garage sale.

I also had this brilliant idea to help my sister get some credit at a Tastefully Simple show she had a month or so ago and I am having a party on Friday. Yep, in the middle of all this crap. What the hell was I thinking? So tomorrow (tomorrow is Thursday, right?) I have to find some time to sneak home and make a bunch of sample dips and stuff. Yep, these shows YOU make the stuff for the show, it's kinda cool.

Oh yeah... and somebody is coming to fix our furnance in the morning.

Oh... and in an hour I've got to be at church for a confirmation meeting with the demons. Demons & church - they go to together because our pastor finds it incredibly wonderful to give his bible school/confirmation students caffienated soda and candy. He's been talked to about this... many times.... and he pulls his hair out every week, but yet... the next week? Guess whats there for the kids? But you know what? The kids absolutley adore our pastor and thats a good thing.

So if I am not clinically insane by Sunday... someone just admit me anyway 'cause it'll be a'coming!

It's happening.... it's really happening...

12 hours from now the demons go BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!
I'll be able to get some work done again!

(and maybe get a nap or two in....)

Responsible Pet Owner, I Am (Don't let my human babies have surgery!)

I was a responsible pet owner and had my sweet baby spayed (and her dew claws removed... I think she thought they were actual thumbs because she always tried to use them as such. I have the scratches to prove it!!).

My poor Saki girl... she's so pathetic! When she goes potty or poop she makes me wanna cry! She stands there with those big puppy dog eyes crying "Mama, it hurts!!!".


Chico is being a spaz, actually he's just being a typical canine, he's growling & barking at her every chance he gets - but he won't leave her side. Go figure.

Good God, please don't ever let one of my human babies have surgery... I won't be able to handle it.

Upgrades, dog toys & sick kids

Yesterday was a nice, different kind of day.... sort of. It started out by realizing it had been 100 days of not smoking, then realizing Demon #2 was still sick, then being stuck between a rock & a hard place by my brother... and that was all before 8:30am!

The rock & a hard place is somewhere where I knew we'd end up eventually. See, my brother is a computer-nerd of sorts (either that or he fakes it really well). He helps me keep InsanityCafe forums running. Without him there just wouldn't be a forums to go to.

We've been behind on updating my site and the husbands site (which, of course, Patrick helps with, too) so yesterday was the day. If it wasn't yesterday, we probably would have been looking at a November or December date. Trying to get his schedules and mine (which stupidly is not very busy) to connect has been pretty much impossible.

So a comment was mention - I looked over at the husband and within 20 minutes we were out the door. It's over an hour drive to Patrick's, so we knew it would be almost an all day thing.

But it was so fun! I have the most wonderful, comical, sarcastic, humorous, caring brother a person could have. Seriously. You just can't be in a bad mood around him - it's just not possible. The only thing that sucked is that we had to leave.

Came home to a kid that was still sick (she wasn't dying... she's just sick. She was going to sit in front of the computer/tv all day long anyway, so whats the difference if I'm there to watch her or not?), 2 hyper dogs that had obviously been neglected attention-wise all day and a sink full of dirty dishes.

Speaking of dogs... Patrick has a Goldendoodle named Coco. Cutest big lump of fur you'll ever meet. Coco has this squeaky toy... all I know is that it looks like a dinosaur and it's made in China. If you try to feel the inside, it's not hallow, it's got some sort of material in it. It look indestructible and Patrick said they've had it since Coco was a pup (almost a year).... so it survived her puppy-chewing stage. He has absolutely no idea what this thing is called or what brand it is. We stopped at Petco and couldn't find anything close to it. Does anyone have any clue what this could be? We want to buy like 15 of them for Saki, because Lord knows she chews through everything and this is the toy for her!

Send a word out to your critter-friends and help us solve the mystery!

And that, my friends, is your Monday morning ramblings. Check out the work we did at the forums... join up, come talk to us! We love new people... we hand out cookies.

Oh... demon #2 is home sick today still.

A rose on a Wednesday. Just a normal, everyday Wednesday

If anybody remembers this post, they will remember how I feel about a husband buying roses on Valentine's Day. I haven't changed my feelings on the matter.

Holidays such as Valentine's Day were put on the calendar for those who don't think, to think.

My daughter, Demon #1, is not one of those people. She's not the smartest person when it comes to common sense (thats another post), but she makes it up in many other ways.

Last night at her church confirmation class, someone was either going to throw away a couple roses or something, I didn't get the whole story, but Demon #1 spoke up and said that she wanted one.

What did she do with the rose? She gave it to her favorite mother, of course!

This helps me explain the basics of romance, gift giving and thoughtfulness. Anyone can buy flowers, candy and a card on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day or someone's birthday. It's expected. Do it when it isn't expected... trust me, it will mean more than any Mother's Day card given on that Sunday morning. Give Mom an "I love you" card for absolutely no reason other than you love her... you'll send her to tears, I promise.

The husband stopped his semi truck on the side of a road one day, jumped out (cut the side of his leg wide open) and ran into a field because he saw a bunch of wildflowers he knew my heart would melt over. They were wilted by the time he got home and thankfully the blood clotted in his leg, but just the thought that he did what he did on some odd summer day meant the world to me.

When you see something at a store or on the side of the road that make you think "Gosh, she would really get a kick out of this" or "she would just love that" or "her favorite color is pink, next Mother's Day I'll have to remember to get pink roses"... do it then, right that second. Don't wait. Do it.

Or be the first to speak up and say "I want it", only to go home and hand the rose to your mom. It's priceless. It's worth more than any dozen roses someone could buy me at a flower shop.

Bad Mom, scaring your child like that!

So we are sitting around watching tv last night and some ghost hunter show was on. This is something we've watched before, not a huge deal for an 11 year old, right? She loves the show... she's the one who wanted it on.

So, on the show, there is this plastic red ball. Demon #2 says; "Wouldn't it be freaky if all of a sudden a baseball would fall down the the stairs?".

Being the quick-thinking mom that I am, I say; "You know what would be even more freaky?"

I've got her attention... she looks at me with a big smile waiting for the punchline of the joke.

"If you didn't own a baseball."

It totally freaked her out! LOL She said her stomach twisted and everything. She was afraid to get out of the chair... afraid of the baseball that we DO HAVE.

I know it's mean, but it was funny. I can't believe I scared her like that over something so silly.

How not to parent!

Stolen from - 411 Mommy = An Informed Mommy!

Time flies when you are having fun

Demon #1 had an orthodontist appointment at 9:30 this morning... got outta there at 10:00 and we headed to WalMart.

I let her skip school the rest of the day because

1. I am Mom and I have the power.
2. She's getting close to straight A's
3. It was a Taryn & Mom day

I called the husband to tell him we were going... he told me to remember peanut butter & bread. Ok.

So we get to Walmart at about 10:30 and start shopping.

We get done with shopping and head home... I call the husband on the way home.

Him- "Where are you?"
Me- "Driving."
Him- "Where from?"
Me- "Walmart."
Him- "Just now?"
Me- "Yeah, why?"
Him- "Do we have any money left?"
Me- "Yeah, why?"

I look at the clock.... it's after 12:00!!! We spent an hour and 1/2 in Walmart shopping! I didn't even notice until he said something!

Things that make you go "Yeaaaaaaa!!!"

Lucky Charms was on sale at the grocery store yesterday... 3 for $6!!! Now thats something to get excited about. We are talking orgasmic excited. Yes, it's that exciting. It's Lucky Charms! Geez, don't you understand?

If you know me, you know that I love my Lucky Charms. It's one of the only cereals I'll eat. I love Peanut Butter Crunch, but it tears up the roof of my mouth so I don't eat it. I used to love Honey Nut Corn Flakes, but like many products that I fall in love with, they quit making it. I have now resorted to Honey Nut Chex. They are not Corn Flakes, but they'll do.

If they ever quit making Lucky Charms.... we don't want to go there.

No, seriously, we don't.

All GM cereals were on sale, so Demon #1 got her favorite - Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

See? I'm not a bad mom - I think of my kids.

Occasionally.

Good Morning

It's 5:30 in the fricken morning. One of the downsides of the husband getting up at 2am is the husband gets up at 2am.

Dog starts whining, she has to go outside.

Dog comes in, jumps in bed. When the hell did she get so big?

"Honey, why are my shirts folded?"
"I ran out of hangers"

Kiss on the cheek and away he goes... driving the big truck into the sunrise.

There's no sunrise at 3am. But there is a huge feeling of being upset pissed off when you are lying there in bed realizing that you are in no way going to fall back to sleep.

So upstairs I go to see if the internet functions at 3am. It does, did you know that? People are actually awake at 3am, other than me! Ok, she doesn't count. She lives in the UK. But alas! I hear a voice coming from the end of the hallway....

"Mom, what time is it?"
"4:00"
"in the morning?"
"Yeah"
"Ok."

Demon #2 proceeds to get up, get dressed and go downstairs. So she's awake now, too. Great. Crabby kid alert at 6pm tonight!

Oh... and the dogs are now sleeping on my bed.

Hockey, school stuff, time change and smoking

Hockey : Insanity Wear : CafePress.com


Thats what I'm working on today. Not sure whats up with the hockey, though. We are not hockey fans... don't know anyone who is, actually. My sister just made a comment to me this past weekend that I have a whole bunch of sports stuff, but no hockey. Ok, well now I do.

Had to run a forgotten project to school bright and early this morning for Demon #1.

Speaking of bright & early. How was it getting out of bed for you today? Good God... I wanted to hurt something this morning. Usually I'm a morning person, but my body gets on such a schedule that this time change crap throws it into a tailspin and kicks it. And the demons - I should have said a short prayer before I attempted to wake them up this morning.

I know I haven't updated my smoking process... or no smoking process, that is. I'm on Day #52. It hasn't gotten any easier and I'm always wanting a cigarette, but I haven't had one.

Still have that opened pack in my purse though!

Mom, what do you do all day?

Funny how kids think the floors just stay clean....

This is what happens when you see the camera sitting on the table when you are waiting for the floor to dry.

Ooops... I see I missed a spot.

Too soon for the road

My parents reminded me yesterday that Demon #1 is 2 years away from her driver's permit. Lord help me... please.

This is the same child that I had this conversation with about 2 years ago:

"Mom, how does the car know when you are going to turn?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"How does the car know that you are going to turn so it can turn the blinkers on?"

And, yes, this is the same child that probably still thinks I've only had sex twice.

Buy something, will you?

I have this problem, I'm sure most moms can relate. Husband, kids & me go shopping, we go home with something for everyone... except me. It's my fault though, I'd rather spend money on him & them than on me.

So while we are at the mall last week we went to a jewelry store to see if we could find my wedding ring. I've been looking for it for over 10 years... long story, but I want the style back that we were married with, not this ugly anniversary band that I was forced to have. We found the ring... as close as we could anyway. Jason was ready to throw down the Discover card and get me a whole new solitaire and wedding band, but we can exchange the current band, so why not? Need the receipt, though. Went home, found the receipt. When we went to the mall Saturday - guess who forgot the receipt? Dumb me.

So we go in there anyway, because I made the comment that Jason got a new hat, the girls got stuff and I had nothing. Not whining at all, just stating a fact. (if you know me, you know this is true... I don't get bent out of shape if I don't get things for myself) Jason always says, it's my fault I don't get anything because I don't get myself anything. He doesn't say no to me, never has.

So, Jason insisted I was getting something. Again... he was ready to get me my wedding ring. Nope, I wanted the exchange deal.

He wouldn't let me leave empty handed. Isn't he just the best?

So this is what I got......

Not huge, not expensive, because thats not who I am. It's simple, pretty and just right.

While picking out a new solitaire/wedding band that I didn't get, the salesperson AND Jason were trying to get me to upgrade my 1/4 carat solitaire to 1/2 or even 3/4.... no. It's huge, its too big... let me keep my 1/4 carat dammit!!!! Why do people think the most expensive makes the most happiness?

My mom, picture obsessions, noses & cheerios

When I was 7 years old, my mom died. No, I don't remember a lot about her and the memories I do have of her are no longer in motion picture view, they are in snapshot view. Meaning, the memories have faded enough that I only see "stills" of memories. I don't know if that makes any sense.

My mom was 46 when she died (young, yes, and a heavy smoker - she died of a heart attack, which is one of the reasons I NEEDED to quit smoking). One memory I have of her is her sitting in a lawn chair waiting for me as I got off the bus. I was in Kindergarten or 1st grade maybe? Maybe it was 2nd grade... she died the December I was in 2nd grade. I can see her sitting there in that lawn chair and I can see myself running across the front yard towards her, but the woman in the lawn chair isn't a 45 or 46 year old... she is a woman in her late teens/early 20s. And she's black & white. Why is that? Simple, yet complicated.

There are very few pictures that I have seen of my mom, the mom that I knew. Two or three maybe? I know what she looked like... dark brown short hair, a little heavy in the face... but can I picture it in my head? No. All of the pictures I have seen are when she was younger, and in black and white, so the mother in my memories has changed appearances. It strange, I know.

There are also only a handful of pictures of me growing up. There is one where I am about 6 months old, then another when I'm about a year, the next one I think I'm 4 or 5. My family wasn't a camera-happy family, I guess.

This is why, I believe, that I am obsessed with pictures. I take pictures of anything and everything. Maybe because I'm afraid I will forget things, I don't know. Maybe because I'm afraid that if I die, my girls will have a still picture memory of me and I want it to be a current still, not one from years ago.

My living room is filled with pictures... pictures of the girls in different stages of their lives, pictures of my nieces, nephews, friends, my pets... anything I can frame.

So because of this obsession the husband went out and bought me a Canon Rebel Digital camera a few years ago. This is way more camera that I will ever need, but I was thrilled to own one!

So every now & then I will take some off the wall picture... just because I can.

Everything is a potential picture... and every picture has beauty in it to someone.

Cheerios? Pretty boring, huh? But my daughter had Cheerios for breakfast this morning before school... not a scrapbook type memory, but it's still a memory. It's a memory of me being there to wake them up in the morning, get them ready for school, help them find the Tamagotchi that they lost the night before and promise them that if I find it during the day I will pause it so it won't die. (because this mom can't figure out how to feed it or clean it's poop up.) It's a memory of me being at the window as they walk down the sidewalk to the bus. Something simple as Cheerios can say a lot.